In this blog post, I want to discuss control, why it’s an important subject when managing PMDD, and what it can mean for you.
It’s a funny word, control.
It can have a variety of meanings and connotations depending on the context but today I want to focus on why it’s SO IMPORTANT to take control of what you can and surrender what you can’t.
But what does that even mean?
It’s no secret that I find human behaviour fascinating; it makes a lot of sense considering my profession, and I am always intrigued as to why people can have exactly the same experiences yet respond so differently (which is another conversation altogether!)
In my professional and personal experience, those who have it all together and focus completely on the things they can do in their control, while pretty much ignoring or delegating all the things they can’t control are much more positive, more at ease and are living a simpler, yet more fulfilled life than those who get lost in the thick of it, trying to take hold of everything that is out of their control while totally neglecting all the things they can actually take healthy control of.
It reminds me a bit of an analogy I use often about mindfulness, which I’ll adapt for this purpose:
Imagine it’s dark and stormy and there’s a river. The waters are rough and unforgiving, and the waves violent. Down the river comes a boat, thrashing about, crashing up and down, round and round.
You can choose to jump in and wrestle with the boat, trying to bring it to the safety of the shore and out of the storm, but the harder you try, the more dangerous it becomes and you’re soon dragged under the water.
Or, you can sit on the river bank calmly watching it as it goes by, knowing that it’s out of your control and there’s nothing you can do to stop that boat from being swept away.
Because no matter what you do in this situation, that boat WILL be swept away and there’s nothing you can do about it.
The difference is your well-being, it’s the difference between you losing your sh*t or holding your sh*t together. And in this scenario, it would be the difference between life and death.
There are always exceptions to the rule of course and these things vary from country to country, context to context, but here are some general examples of the things in your life that are in your control and things that are not:
In your control:
What you eat
Where you live
The job you do
Your friends and peers
The TV you watch
How much alcohol or caffeine you drink
Where you hang out
The exercise you do
Your medical rights, treatments and procedures
Not in your control:
World events
Other people’s behaviour
What people think of you
The economy
The weather
Your neighbours
Your family
So, what are you focussing on – all the things you can control or all the things you can’t or is it a big mish-mash of both?
If you’ve been here a while, you’ll know that I will always bang on about the importance of awareness; by having it, you’re already 50% there. How can you change something or make improvements when you don’t even know where you’re at with it? So let’s get real with what’s actually going on with you.
Take those lists above and relate them to your own life.
- Ask yourself, what am I paying the most attention to and what am I paying the least attention to? List them out in numerical order
- Now to focus on your inner responses and reactions, when you’re doing or focusing on these things, how is it making you feel? Are you happy and calm or do you get frustrated and irritable? E.g. perhaps you’ve been obsessing over the news of late which only triggers your nervous system and stress responses, or perhaps you’ve spent too much time with someone who brings you down.
- Work out what action you need to take, even if it’s a small tweak. E.g. make an effort to only check the news once a day (if you have to at all) and hang around with that person less. There is nothing you can do about the horrors on the news or the behaviour of that person, but YOU can remove it from your own space and nervous system because THAT part IS in your control.
I hope that helps you get some clarity and make those tweaks to your life.
Remember, one day at a time. Little by little with each change you make you’ll make big improvements over time.
So tell me, what are you going to do to take control of what you can and surrender what you can’t? As always, I would love to hear from you so just hit reply!
Amy Viola x
P.S. My monthly PMDD Reset Group Coaching and Hypnosis session can help you get to grips with YOUR version of PMDD which helps you set much healthier boundaries in many areas of your life. CLICK HERE to book your space on the next session!
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